Our own worst Enemies

I think when it comes to Autism we parents are our own worst enemies.  After Ethan was diagnosed and we became official members of the Autistic community I was blown away by the divisiveness and in-fighting.  It is so disheartening.  So many parents want to know why so little is known about the disorder when it affects such a huge population.  I think part of the reason is the discord amongst parents.  No one seems to be able to agree to disagree.  No one seems to be able to take the other persons opinion or life experience into perspective and until we parents are able to do that I don't see much advancement taking place.

Autism is a lot like cancer, not in the life threatening disease way, I cringe whenever people refer to Autism as a disease or a sickness.  I feel like it's like cancer because there are so many different types of cancer and there are so many different causes of cancer.  Most types of skin cancer can be caused by too much sun exposure but if caught in time can be easily removed at a routine doctors visit.  Almost all men, if they live long enough, will develop prostate cancer.  It is caused by testosterone and most men, if treated in time, can have surgery and go on to live very fulfilling lives.  Pancreatic cancer, to be honest, I have no idea what causes it, but it's basically a death sentence.  Of course it's not that simple and family history, and environmental factors play a part in all of these.  You can't put them all under one umbrella.  They are all cancer because, at the most basic level, they are the same - Cells in a certain part of the body grow uncontrollably. Maybe different types of autism are caused by different things.  Maybe some are more treatable than others  So much more needs to be discovered and we are shooting ourselves in the foot by fighting about the whys and hows when we don't even know the whats.

Autism is so vast and at the same time so varied.  Even though Autism has grown by leaps and bounds, each case is so completely different. And parents, being parents, love their child and desperately want to help them the best way they know how.  Add to that the emotions that go along with parenting a child with a mysterious disorder, that no one understands.  It's the perfect storm.

In our case, our son seemed to struggle right from the start, with everything.  He never regressed.  He showed signs way before he had any vaccinations, we just didn't know it was autism.  This is our experience.  Because of it I personally do not feel that vaccinations played any kind of roll in his Autism.  I also know that he is extremely healthy and has had not had to deal with any of the horrible childhood diseases that many have in the past, like measles, or Polio or Whooping Cough, or even Chicken Pox.  But I have not had a beautiful child smiling, babbling and making eye contact one day, and not the next.  I haven't had to go through that heart ache and can't say whether or not I'd feel differently if I had.  I can't judge a parent for feeling differently than I do because they've had a completely different experience.

Believe or not, another bone of contention amongst those of us that reside in Autism land, is finding a cure, or whether or not that is even necessary.  At first this may shock you.  Why wouldn't someone want to find a cure for autism?  Well a lot of adults with autism are against a cure.  One of the most notable is Temple Grandin.  She struggled all her life, but she also did amazing things because of it.  She proved to the world that Autistic people can be happy and can add to society, and even change the world.  Some parents believe that Autism is special and even a beautiful mystery.  Some parents believe it is a horrible curse.  Some parents even believe it is the next step in the evolutionary process and that we need to let nature take it's course.  I have to say that I'm somewhere in between the first two.  I know God has a very specific purpose in Ethan having Autism.  Do I feel like he will learn valuable lessons and that his disorder will only add to his growth and make him stronger and that it is necessary for whatever plan God has for him? YES.  But, if someone presented me with a magical pill that made all of his struggles go away,and made him neurotypical (those without an ASD) I would give it to him in a heart beat.    Honestly, who wouldn't.  Then there are those who refer to Autism as a horrible disease that needs to be wiped from the earth.  Those that think Autism needs to die and that their children who have it might have been better off of they'd never been born.  That used to disgust me until I found out that a lot of those parents had children that scream all day, or that rock unceasingly, or hurt themselves, or others, or don't sleep and have no connection with the outside world.  How can I, whose child gives hugs, and sings, and draws and reads, how can I criticize (he didn't used to do any of those things).  Our children, though they have the same disorder, are worlds apart.

Sometimes I feel like parents of Autistic children are like a large cluster of islands.  They share the same part of the world but are completely seperated by water, completely disjointed, completely alone.  But we don't have to be.