Daily Affirmations

Some days I wake up and I am excited about our future and what it will hold. I'm excited that Gary comes home excited and happy. I love that he loves what he is doing and that he finds it so interesting. That makes me so happy. It makes it so worth it. But some days I wake up and think "I can't believe I live here now!!!" and I just want to hide under the blankets and not come out for the next four years. Its at those moments when I go through the list of things I like about Abilene. Friendly people, a good alternative radio station (I was shocked), low humidity, few bugs, a great pharmacy school, lots of antique stores. I'm sure I will add more to my list as time goes by. I also have a few mantras I repeat to myself. First "this is the best thing we ever did." Second "Abilene isn't that bad just give it a chance". And third, "This will be so worth it in the end". And then I remind myself of the beaches in Hawaii. Which is where we will be going after he graduates. "Gary found out that pharmacists make even more than we had thought before. In states like Texas, California, Arizona, where the need is great they start them out anywhere from the 110,000 to the 150,000s. I was never in this for the money, (obviously, we are living off of welfare and loans and living in a strange old house) but it is good to know that all the sacrifice will pay off and that we will be able to pay off our student loans. I met a wonderful sister my my ward who's husband works in Dallas and commutes home on the weekends and stays in Dallas during the week. All I could think was "Why aren't you living in Dallas. Dallas is so much better!!!" Our locksmith found out we were originally from San Diego and then moved to Houston and then moved here. He's lived in both places and knew how great they were. He gave us this apologetic look and promised that Abilene would grow on us. It's not that bad actually. And I have to say, as much as I loved Houston, the first year was hard. So I'm sure in four years the thought of leaving will make me very sad. But we will be leaving. I know we are blessed and I am really excited. And I know this is right. I can feel it deep in my soul, which is why we are here. Which is why usually when I go through my list and my daily affirmations I actually feel much much better about everything. I know from previous experiences that when you feel so sure of something it is the spirit and you have to act on it. I think I know a little better what the pioneers must have experienced (not that I am comparing myself to them as I sit in my air conditioned house with my children in their warm beds). But I'm sure they had the same feeling that what they were doing was right and that no matter what they just couldn't do anything else. It's like the Lord is in the drivers seat and we are just along for the ride. I think it is that way for everyone though its just when the Lord expects you to make huge drastic changes that you realize how little you control anything in your life. Fortunately the Lords only goal is our happiness. So we can always trust in him.
On a side note, I'm reading Stephenie Meyer's new book (yes, when I should be unpacking the last few boxes) and I'm 2/3 through it. It has been really good except I just hit a portion of it where the main characters keep confessing their love for each other and how they can't live with out each other. yada yada yada. I'm getting so sick of these characters swooning for each other. I think true love is not nearly so exciting and tumultuous. I think it is much more enduring and subtle. I think it is about the little things you do everyday. I just want the main characters to grow up and act like adults already. I know you still love each other when vampires are trying to eat you but try loving each other when you are trying to pay bills and take care of screaming kids and deal with overflowing toilets and stress at work. If at the end of the day you still love each other, then you really do love each other. (I will get off of my soap box now, sorry).